The Writer's Bastille (A Sestina)
I sit here
Unable to present any letter
Oxygen flow
So incredibly slow
The hours turn to weeks
Ticking tocks and random
sudden creaks
Echoing, cackling creaks
I must not leave from here
Nagging at me for weeks
But appears not a letter
Breathe slow
Let it flow
Out bursts the dam’s incredible
flow
Silencing creaks
No longer slow
They soar here
The fluttering flapping of
letters
To keep me content for weeks
Finite weeks
No drop left to flow
Incomplete and obscure are
the letters
Precipitously resume the uninvited
creaks
Yet alone here
Once more, slow
Insidious the weeks
Pretending to go by slow
Only here
Thoughts refuse flow
No sound left, no creaks
Only misshaped, cumbersome,
and crippled letters
Nurse the letters
Nurture and cultivate them
slow
Bring back the caressing
creaks
Vitalize and elucidate the endless
weeks
Be here
Demand the flow
The many hours, the many weeks
Oxygen flows
I sit here
This poem had a really nice rhythm to it. The lines were concise but full so I felt an airy quality to it. As usual, writer's block is a relatable topic and I thought it was done well in this poem. I think that the adjective "fluttering" could be taken out in the phrase "fluttering flapping" as it is kind of redundant.
ReplyDeleteYou did a great job of relating the emotions of writer's block to your readers. I really felt the different stages that come along with not being able to write. I also think you successfully were able to master the method of the sestina without sounding too repetitive as you used various meanings of the same word. Although the lines are short, I think this worked to your advantage, as your language was still strong and expressive, creating a beautiful flow. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHey!
ReplyDeleteI really like your creative way of describing writer's block with the metaphor of something "flowing."
Like others have mentioned above, I think the short lines work mostly to your advantage; if you had written long lines, that would not have given the image of writer's block...
However, the short lines do take away from the overall content by limiting the effects of the individual lines in contributing to the overall image of the poem. The short lines "flow," but they do not necessarily add as many images as longer lines.
Great job though!
I see this poem as tracking the cycle of creativity and block in a writers' brain. The poem fluctuates from ecstasy at the creative urge when it works and despair at what people sometimes call "writers' block."
ReplyDeleteI did not understand the emphasis on "oxygen" and its flowing. The stress on breathing reminds me more of zen meditation or something, and it can't be something insignificant, since it comes back again at the end. Seems crucial, but the meaning eludes me.
These extremely short lines work better, I believe, when describing the block then when they describe the breakthroughs.
You could use an editing pass here, looking for word improvements. For example, I didn't feel that the adjective "incredible" as your best choice to modify "flow."
Hope these comments help!
Great job on the poem! You did a great job on describing writer's block. Especially the use of short lines. I love the alliteration of the echoing crackling creaks. Also the description of the letters being crippled. I agree with Professor Miller- I don't understand the emphasis on oxygen? Otherwise great job!
ReplyDeleteHi!! I thought it was really cool how you compared a writer's process to a prisoner in jail waiting for hours!! I had an image in my head of a prisoner carving letters into the walls of his cell and cycling through various phases of hope and despair (I'm not sure if this was what it was actually about but I enjoyed the image anyway :)). My favorite lines were the end stanza, as it really depicted writer's block within the contrast of the oxygen flowing and the writer sitting still. I agree with the other comments that the shorter lines mostly work to your advantage, but it also makes it hard to vary the content of the lines with so few words. If you wanted to add some variation, maybe you could use different forms of "here" and "weeks"- as in "hear" and "weak." Just a suggestion, but not at all necessary!
ReplyDeleteGreat Poem!!