The
Dark Day
Tonight was absolute
The flow strengthened as the
current grew
The waves of chance renewed
The night was marked
Pursued like a felon
But it was us who stole the
moon and the stars
We did not tuck in the night
No bedtime, no story time
Only empty pages waiting to
be filled
Unguided, we drove to see
the night
The wayward streets delved
deeper into me
Sealing evidence in the
chambers of memory
Though the night became
eternal
We sought the odysseys of
tomorrow
Like we had found the Tree
of Life and become immortal
The creatures of the night
embraced us curiously
And so we evolved and grew
feathers darker than the sky
Our hoo-ing and cooing echoed
a loud lullaby
We flew into the night
Reaching the heights of the
sleeping dreamers
Drinking from the Milky Way
to satiate our appetite
At night, we became one
Embraced by the shadows left
behind at daylight
Evident like the twinkles of
glitter spread across the eternal heavens
But the night grew tiresome
The cloak that had shielded
us too heavy to hold any longer
The moon punched out just as
the sun punched in
And so we shed our feathers
and retired to our cribs
The drafted book returned to
the shelf next to the many others who sat
Waiting for the night to come
Waiting for the night to come
This poem has done an incredible job forcing my brain interpret the amazing details you have constructed. My favorite line was "Sealing evidence in the chambers of memory" because it took an abstract idea and successfully used a strong verb and noun combination to revive the idea.
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I am still not quite sure I know what the poem is talking about. I wish we could have more time to workshop this in class so that I might get a better understanding.
I also want to commend you for you inner rhymes, though you might not have written them intentionally. For example, grew/renewed, marked/stars, night/time, me/memory, tomorrow/immortal/eternal, sky/lullaby, night/appetite. All these words occur at the end of lines within their respective stanzas. My only critique is that I did not see as much of this rhyming towards the end of the poem. It took away from the musical aspect of the poem. But this poem is really great even so!
Hi!! Wow!! I really enjoyed reading this poem! First of all I enjoyed the wonderful sounds you used throughout the poem- the inconsistent slant rhymes at the end of the lines and within the lines gave the poem a great sense of rhythm and musicality. Some of my favorite ones were "grew" and "renewed", "night" and "appetite" , "hoo-ing" and "cooing." These rhymes were tastefully added and not overdone at all.
ReplyDeleteSecond of all, the imagery in the poem is great! I liked the image of tucking in the night and drinking from the milky way. I also liked how the poem was slightly vague in direction, allowing the reader to come up with their own meaning for many of the lines.
One line that I think could be tightened a little bit is " evident like the twinkles of glitter spread across the eternal heavens."It seemed a little bit wordy and bulky to me, although the image is great!!
Great job!!