Laughter
Pulling me in close
Letting the obscurities go
Pushing away the fear
Engulfing all that is near
Bringing me back to radiance
Avoiding all the melancholy
resistance
It surrounds me
Fills me with thoughtless
speech
It arouses me
Inconsiderate of all sullenness
It grows and fills every
layer
And burrows its way deeper
Unable to restrain
I grab on
It guides me with a newfound
sight
Perplexing me by the view
It contorts my frame
Leaving me breathless
Breathless but viable
Breathless but more than
animate
And it’s gone
As suddenly as it had come
But it leaves me with a gift
of what once was
Its charity so pure
Of a satisfying smile on
my face
And a glimmering jewel left in my heart.
And a glimmering jewel left in my heart.
This is a really interesting poem that has a nice sound to it. I like the two-line stanzas, it gives the poem rhythm and flow. As far as the descriptions, had the title not been "Laughter" I would have never been able to guess what you were describing - and I actually like that about the poem. But since you titled it, the reader is able to understand and imagine the actions being described. My favorite phrase is "thoughtless speech" - I think that's a very creative and accurate way to describe laughter.
ReplyDeleteHi! This is a really great poem, especially because of the abstract idea that you managed to convey in such a beautiful way. Your choice of words is impeccable, especially "engulfing all that is near" "contorts my frame," and "burrows its way deeper." I especially noted the contrasts at the beginning of the poem. In the first three stanzas, you use contrasting words of "pulling/letting go," "pushing/engulfing," and "bringing/avoiding." Though they may or may not have to do with the actual theme of laughter, they capture your readers' attention in a wonderful way.
ReplyDeleteAs we mentioned in class, speaking of abstract ideas can be hard (and some might suggest that students not try it), but you managed to construct this fantastic and satisfying artistic work.
Hi There! I really like the optics of this poem - the two lines and the spacing between each line. I also like the semi-rhyming quality! The words that you chose to use were really incredible, really really good job. The last sentence - a glimmering jewel - I absolutely love that and puts a great picture in the readers' mind.
ReplyDeleteWow! I really enjoyed the way you successfully were able to "show, not tell". Each line on its own is a beautifully abstract way to describe the feeling of laughter, ones I would never even think of! The two line stanzas is an emphatic way to set up the poem, as the structure of the pair works to relay the emotions you want your readers to feel. The inconsistent use of rhyming kept me reading and wanting more, curious to see if the next pair would follow the pattern or not. My favorite stanza is "Unable to restrain,
ReplyDeleteI grab on." This is a creative and surprising way to describe laughter, but I really related!
This was a cool poem that perfectly describes what laughter does to a person. I loved the descriptive words that showed what is happening to the speaker. I liked how the line, “It contorts my frame Leaving me breathless” tells the reader that this is one of those true laughs that makes you fall out of your chair! This poem really made me smile and I think you did a great job of show, not tell. great job!
ReplyDeleteHey there! At the beginning of the poem I had no idea what you were describing but after seeing the video I completely understood. I enjoyed when you wrote things like "pushing away the fear" and "it surrounds me." Phrases like these are so accurate in describing the effects of any type of laughter. I am really glad that you posted an image with the poem because it helps the reader have a better understanding of what you are describing.
ReplyDeleteHi! I really liked how this poem takes something that we do everyday without even thinking and describes it in an original way. The two line structure of the poem adds to the general feeling of the poem, simulating short bursts of laughter. The language used, including the rhyming and repetition of words, added a beautiful musical quality to the poem. I especially liked the lines beginning with "breathless." I would love to see more of this repetition throughout the poem or in future work.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you deeply explore laughter. I think whats interesting about this poem is that if i pretended like i never saw the title, I could come up with a few other things that this poem could be describing. I'm not sure if I see it as a metaphor though as much as an deep description of laughter. I especially enjoyed the line that described laughter as something that is fleeting but leaves you with a gift. The laughter always leaves me with something to look back on and smile about. The laughter is almost what makes the memory so memorable and you really conveyed that!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like people in class liked this poem, but I have to admit I found it to be way too abstract, and it is not showing me its emotions. It is telling them. Nearly every line uses an abstraction, and there are no images until the last stanza. I would rewrite this if it were me. If this is about a baby's laughter, how about letting us see the baby! And how about letting us hear that laughter?
ReplyDeleteKeep in mind that most people won't want to watch a video to understand a poem. They want the poem to stand on its own as a work of art, even if it is based on an image or a video.
To show you what I mean about telling and NOT showing and using too many abstractions, I have pasted about the first half of the poem here, and I am putting the abstractions in all caps:
Pulling me in close
Letting the OBSCURITIES go
Pushing away the FEAR [of?]
Engulfing ALL [all, really?] that is near
Bringing me back to RADIANCE
Avoiding all the melancholy RESISTANCE
IT surrounds me
Fills me with thoughtless SPEECH
IT arouses ME
Inconsiderate of all SULLENNESS
It grows and fills every LAYER [of what?]
And burrows its way DEEPER [into what?]
So far, I can't see, hear, taste, or feel anything, and one thing we are really trying to work on in this class is descriptive imagery--showing and not telling. Maybe it won't ever come to life in this poem, but I need to see you trying to use more stuff from the book and from class workshops.
I love babies too, but for me to really feel this, I need to be drawn in more. I also wonder if you aren't being a little over the top with the sentimentality here. It's hard when the emotion is so pure and singular. Tough to make it seem real.
Sorry if the video confused you in any way! I only meant it to show the type feel-good laughter that leaves you falling over, like the baby in the video, not to say that the poem is about a baby's laughter.. Also, when I first decided to write a poem about laughter, I felt it necessary to make it as abstract as possible only because laughter is in and of itself abstract. I felt the best way to describe it would be to tell the reader how it feels, rather than show, so that they are forced to really think about what laughter does, rather than how it makes you feel. I wanted to describe the subconscious level of laughter- how(/why) it makes us feel how we feel, that's why I took this approach to my poem. At the end of it though, I felt it necessary to end off with some kind of imagery that would leave the reader with a emotional connection to the poem (which is why I ended off with the "glimmering jewel.") I hope this clears things up a bit.
DeleteThis poem was really nice to read. The speaker used a lot of vivid words which was great. It really does describe how a person feels when they hear laughter. However, if the poem was not titled "Laughter" I would not have known what it was about. As Professor Miller wrote above, there are too many abstractions and not enough detail.
ReplyDelete