Supermarket
Pushing the cacophonous cart
Through the endlessly stocked avenues
Looking for what the wife had asked
for,
I glance at my ticking timer.
Who craves Double Chocolate Cookie Dough Brownie
Swirl and Pickles at
11:34 pm and I have yet to hear from
her.
She left this morning
Slamming the door, shattering my heart
behind her.
Maybe she’s back at the apartment waiting for me . .
.
Oh! Mangos! I should get her some since they are her
Favorite song! Tap my feet, discrete
as can be
We’ve known each other for so long Your heart’s been
aching but You’re too shy to say it
I grab the shampoo bottle off the
shelf, alone in the aisle at last.
Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down
Never gonna run around and
Dessert for tomorrow’s dinner party!
Frank and Willis just had to
Invite themselves over so last minute.
Macaroons? Strawberry Cheesecake? This
Almond Crusted Apple Pie sounds delish!
Oh, but Willis doesn’t like apple bits
. . .
Well she can just stick those bits up her
Asparagus, not Broccoli, nor Carrots
or Sprouts
I want candy
“I WANT CANDY, MOMMY!”
These Dino Gummies, the Reese’s Cups,
Twizzlers and Hershey’s too
“I SAID, I WANT
To quit. Sweep this
Pick up this, stock that
But Ma needs my help. We barely made last month’s
rent.
The Kardashians taunt me from the
cover of People on display by the register
They never have to worry a day in their lives all
because one of them
“Sucks to suck, don’t it? HA HA!”
The phone wedged between my ear and
shoulder, I grab the Coors Light six pack
Checking a second time to make sure it’s the cheapest of the beers.
Checking a second time to make sure it’s the cheapest of the beers.
“Luck, you say? Guess we’ll find out
tomorrow! Beers on me!”
So much money at stake. The Giants better win again
tomorrow or else I’m
Fucoid Seaweed would go delightfully with my Filet Mignon!
Porcini Mushrooms too! Sautéed in melted Compound Butter. Mmm.
A fair young lady, her presence noted
The scent of her J’adore Eau de Parfum
tickles my whiffer
A Bottle of Chateau Lafite, dinner, and her would make me
Sleep. Almost time to get out of here.
Beep. I hear my bed calling me. Double Choc Cookie Dough Brownie Swirl
Pint $5.29
Beep. The warm blankets engulfing me under layers. Vlasic Kosher Dill
$3.49
Beep. 8 hours of pure bliss before all this again.
I tear a bag from its stack and compile the groceries. “Thank you and have a Good Night”
I tear a bag from its stack and compile the groceries. “Thank you and have a Good Night”
This poem is surreal, and wonderful. I like the juxtaposition of the italics with the narrative. My favorite part was the last stanza with the italics and the prices...a very nice weaving of story and objects. I think certain parts in the middle could be tightened, and some of the italics coudk better fit with the narrative. Overall great job!
ReplyDeleteWow
ReplyDeleteI can really see that you put a lot of effort into this, especially since the length of this poem doesn't detract at all from the energy that you masterfully created. I really like the humorous aspect of this poem, where the speaker's mind is jumping from place to place and the last line of the stanza trails off into the next stanza creatively.
At the same time, there is room for improvement in making it clear what exactly the speaker is worried about and perhaps a clearer pattern of the subject matter his mind is thinking about. For example, who was talking in the third to last paragraph "Sucks to suck..." ?
Great overall poem. Great showing not telling. You really pulled this off well!
This was very cool and fun to read! I liked how you connected each stanza even though the topics changed for each one at the same time keeping with an overall theme. I think I am a little confused though about the significance of the lines that are italicized. Are these lines pulled from somewhere else? Overall I really enjoyed reading this poem!
ReplyDeleteThis is such an interesting idea for a poem! I love how each stanza creates a unique individual that is so clearly portrayed through a mixture of dialogue, thoughts, and descriptions. I really liked the way the stanzas flow into each other, each continuing where the other left off, uniting the separate characters into one coherent poem and transforming a mundane supermarket into a colorful experience! I also liked how you brought the poem full circle by having the same husband from the first stanza check out his groceries in the last stanza.
ReplyDeleteCertain language choices confused me a little bit- such as "apple bits" and "tickles my whiffer."
Really nice poem!
Wow- this was really an incredible poem. I loved reading this and the entire theme. You also made this poem very visually appealing and not boring to read at all in the sense that you put in italics and changed it up a bit. I also really like the title...but clearly you are a poet ;)
ReplyDeleteSo impressed with this one. It was clearly constructed with a lot of thought. The way the speakers' mind jumps from place to place, whether it be lost in inner thoughts or distracted by conversation from the real world, made it seem so realistic. Each stanza connects different thoughts together so naturally. I also like how you chose specific products, such as "Vlasic Kosher Dill" or "Dino Gummies", rather than just general terms. These word choices made the poem all the more descriptive. In addition, I like how the song that is playing in the supermarket somewhat relates to the speaker's relationship with his wife.
ReplyDeleteOne thing I would consider changing is the title. I think "Supermarket" is too simple for such a descriptive, thoughtful poem(unless you were trying to depict that so much can go on during a simple trip to the supermarket?) Also, something about the language in the first stanza doesn't fit in with the rest of the stanzas. I may be imagining this, but it sounds like there's a different tone in the first stanza than the rest of the poem.
Other than those minor changes, this poem was awesome!
-Abigail Adler
This poem has such great rhythm! I genuinely enjoyed reading this poem, it was so fun! I kept wondering what was coming next and what to expect. This really explains the craziness of what goes on in a supermarket. It took my mind into a supermarket and I felt as if I was there. I had a hard time understanding if each stanza was about a different person or one person over hearing everything going on in a supermarket. First it talks about a husband grocery shopping for what his wife wants, and then it talks about a shattered heart, it was a little confusing. I was also confused about mangos being "her favorite song." On the other hand, I loved reading this poem and it seems like a very difficult way of writing so great job!
ReplyDeleteI think this poem was astounding!
ReplyDeleteThe way you were able to create such an amazing story with so many speakers is really remarkable.
In the beginning when I first read the poem I was able to understand that there were many different speakers.
I think one was to fix this in order for the reader to understand it more clearly is by changing the "her" in the second stanza to a "him." This way it is more clear for the author that the second stanza is separate from the first stanza.
The way you were able to describe the supermarket was amazing: the magazines in the front, the way the clerk was bagging everything.
Also I think the use of quotes and the noise affects in the last stanza really elevated the poem!
Great, great job!