My
Father’s Belief
This is my father’s belief
To give my all
And take back what was
stolen by the thief
A long journey searching for
relief
To climb the city that thrives on the mountain and sound the Prayer Call
This is my father’s belief
A knife, a stone, a pistol, as
taught by our Commander in Chief
To stab, to throw, to shoot,
to squall
And take back what was
stolen by the thief
But sometimes I wonder, can
we turn a new leaf?
“They took your land, your
home, left you with nothing but a dirt wall!”
This is my father’s belief
“Make us proud, Habif.”
I hide my tremble beneath
the covert wires packaged neatly under my shawl
And take back what was
stolen by the thief
I look back at the days of
my life
The memories as heavy as the
weapons I maul
This had not been my
intention at all
Though a choice I did not
have, I am held enthralled
For, this is my father’s
belief
To give my life, and take
back what was stolen by the thief
Though I don't fully understand what was "stolen by the thief," this villanelle really suits its purpose by describing the speaker and his father's obsession with something. I really like the last stanza (even though the extra lines go against the rules of a classic villanelle) because the refrain is really used properly to both sum up the poem and to apply those repeated words in a new way. One critique: I do like the last stanza, perhaps finding a way to minimize the extra lines might be helpful to the format of the poem.
ReplyDeleteThis was amazing, I really enjoyed reading it! You did a great job with this villanelle. While I was reading, I felt a feeling of strength but also fear. The words really flowed nicely with a great rhythm. I wanted more! I love the last line when you added "to give my life," it was so powerful. I can't think of anything I would change about this poem. GREAT job!!
ReplyDeleteNahal,
ReplyDeleteThis was a really powerful poem. I'm not positive that I'm fully grasping the message but based on what I did understand, I really enjoyed reading it and it definitely gave me the chills. I feel like there is a real and genuine sense of passion coming through in the poem. There seem to be so many dimensions to this poem but i feel like they layer onto each other to make this a super strong poem with great images and a really strong delivery!
Nahal, this poem is truly chilling. You so clearly and beautifully depicted terrorism from the point of view of the terrorist, not the victim - something I never would have thought to do. It starts off with a clear goal of carrying out her father's belief to take back what was stolen by the thief - the land of Israel, I presume. And the end is where the tension comes out that really gives the poem it's intense emotional effect - this dissonance between carrying out the will of the people she knows to be leaders, and something just not feeling right to her. "I hide my trembles beneath the covert wires" is such a vivid image of a suicide bomb. The speaker's reflection on her life and memories, as well as her lack of free will in giving up her life, closes the poem with dramatic impact and leaves the reader feeling something powerful. You have accomplished a lot in this poem, and I find myself reading it again and again, and getting chills each time. My only suggestion would be to maybe shorten the last stanza to follow the ABAA structure of a villanelle. Really excellent job - you're a natural.
ReplyDeletewow. This poem was so well-done. I liked the perspective you managed to convey and all the conflicting feelings. The use of the villanelle worked really well for this poem, and the repetition of " this is my father's belief" was chilling. I usually don't like poems when they have an obvious political message, but I thought by incorporating more of a narrative it made it still enjoyable to read. I was trying to come up with some constructive criticism but I really couldn't-- only thing is that the word "squall" is a noun and not a verb and you could have probably used a better word in that sentence. Really great poem.
ReplyDeleteHi! I really like how this poem took a political topic and turned it into an emotional, more personal experience. The obsession aspect of a villanelle worked really well here, and you could tell that the speaker had thought about his and his father's conflicting beliefs many times in a circular thought process. The poem has a lot of potential in terms of the topic, but I also think that some things could be tightened up in terms of the rhythm and flow of the poem. The different line lengths were a bit distracting and gave a bit of a choppy feel to the poem-- I think that especially the line "This is my father's belief" is a very strong one, but could be a little longer to help with the rhythm of the poem. Other lines that could be lengthened are "to give my all" and "make us proud, Habif." Another thing that might help with this is to make some of the lines iambic, although it is not completely necessary to do so for a villanelle. Really great poem and thought-provoking as well!
ReplyDeleteI think this was a fantastic poem. I would have to agree with the previous comments that I'm a little confused as to who the thief is or what the message is, but I really did enjoy reading this. You write very eloquently and your word choice is amazing. For example, "the memories as heavy as the weapons I maul" I think was such a cool way to write. Good job!!
ReplyDeleteFirst, I love the idea of writing a poem from the point of view of a child engaged to commit an act of what we call terrorism (which the speaker probably sees as a wartime response, not terrorism). This is a brave poem, the boldest and most startling poem (as an idea) that anyone has yet written for this class. I would consider it for the class blog, but formally, as a work of art, it needs more work first.
ReplyDeleteOne issue to address is the tremendous difference in the feel of some lines. About four of these lines are extremely long--huge in fact--so much so that they certainly disrupt the rhythm of the poem. A certain amount of variation can work (as we discussed in class), but this much is too much, and I would like to see you cut the jumbo lines down to size, reducing words while keeping essential meaning.
Another issue is the final stanza. As others have noted above, it's not in the form for a villanelle. I would like to see you review the rules for villanelles (and read/reread some of the examples from the book) and revise the final stanza to fit with a villanelle.
One terrific thing about the poem is how well the obsessiveness of the villanelle form fits with the obsessiveness of the speaker engaged in an act of horrible violence. This is a strong example of form meeting function. Good job on that!
I also liked the allusion to the Muslim call to prayer as an early clue of the nature of the speaker. That was subtle and effective.
I do wonder about one thing. Where is the anger and rage on the part of the speaker? Most people who commit these acts have lost family members to military actions. I always imagine a furious response--at least on some level. I like the hints of regret and the sense of things being somehow wrong. That is compassionate of you. But I wonder if a hint of anger might give this poem more teeth.
Great idea, and good work. Keep revising!